Questions and Knives

I don't know what I did to you. I thought our friendship was doing alright. Not the best in the world, but I've seen worse. You talk about discovering things the last couple of days that ruins the relationship that we used to have. I'm not sure what you could have discovered to think that I was horrible to you. The reasoning behind that is that there was nothing to discover. I was rash and angry and sent out a text that I should have waited on, but i feel like you've stabbed me in the back.

I'm not seeing anybody right now because I'm still trying to get over us. Bottom line, you were the best boyfriend I've ever had. Until you flipped this on me. But I'm not ready to date or get serious with someone yet. It's still raw as much as I hide it.

I teased you about the shows you watched, but you teased me about mine too. It was never meant to be something serious though. I know some of the shows I watch are not the greatest, but just because yours got awards doesn't mean yours is either. We both agreed that "The Descendants" was horrible, but that got plenty of awards. It's all a matter of taste.

I never cheated and I regret any and all bad things I did to you. You deserve better, but so do I. I'm not ignoring you either, my life has gotten busier in the last month and it's hard to keep track of everything.

I tried at our relationship, and as much as you think I didn't, I truly did. I apologized for not doing things right and making everything face to face. You deserved better than that and I was a coward. You said everything was fine, and then attack me like this. That's just dredging up a problem that I thought was solved. A definite curveball.

 I thought we had a nice conversation yesterday, better than our usual "heys". But this popped up on my newsfeed. And I honestly want us to be friends, because we were so great at it before. I miss having you in my life; you were a source of happiness and you were the light in my life. But apparently that light was just a reflection of a shiny knife. I understand you're angry with me. But we can't even attempt to be friends if you're going to be friendly one day and write a hate post about me the next.

Rant and rave about me all you want, the more you do it, the farther I'll distance myself from you. I don't need another ex telling me that i'm a whore and that i cheated on him when I didn't. I didn't think more nightmares and another year of regret were going to be in the cards for us, but this recent post is forcing that hand.

I loved our time spent together, and on my often occurring lonely days, my thoughts turn to you. I still wear that ring and our pictures together are still on my wall. But maybe it's time for all that stuff to go into a box. If I'm your worst relationship then why should I hold onto the stuff that meant something to us? Because I care. Not past tense. I wasn't lying when I said "I love you." You don't fool around with that shit. I thought you knew me better than that, but I guess I was just lying to myself.

I don't know what else to tell you. It feels like you hate me and I never wanted that. I have an overwhelming sinking feeling that this is probably the end of the line for us though. If so, I wish you all the happiness in the world. If not, I'll be waiting to hear from you.

I'm sorry for whatever you think I've done to wrong you.

TBH

Okay, so I feel super self centered posting this and I promise not to whine too much, but I know i'm basically whining and I'm so sorry. Here goes:

Why do guys feel the need to confess to me AFTER I've stopped liking them and talking to them that they had a huge crush on me?

No lie that's what this post is about.

Now this is all high school-ish era boys that I'm talking about. (I'm only 20, what other era is there?) But if you like me, and you think I'm cute, please let me know now! My ego won't be mad at you! Plus, the worse thing that could happen, is that we could just stay friends cause I don't feel the same way. I guess that's not the absolute worse, but you get my point! We ended up just staying friends anyways cause you didn't have the balls to speak your mind!

The one factor that I will always like in a guy? One that has confidence to tell me how he feels.

So please, if you like me now, tell me. Don't mention it two years later in a TBH post that I liked.

Over and out.