There's this guy I'm friends with, he's actually probably my best friend in Iowa. We'll call him Jack (short for Lumberjack). He's going through a pretty rough time right now and I'm trying to do my best to help him, but I'm not sure how much is getting through. This particular item goes far beyond him though.
I've been told since I was young that I'm a great listener. I will listen to almost anyone with problems and offer them my advice on how to get through things or how they should act. Lately though, I've been getting a lot of "I don't deserve love", "My issues are for me; I don't want to put that burden on anyone else", or "I'm too ugly/ fat". This drives me nuts.
Let's start with "I don't deserve love": EVERYONE deserves love. Love is one of the great joys in life and nobody should be denied that. Yes I realize that there are monsters out there and we, as a society, believe that they don't deserve love. I would generally agree with that, but this post is not about them. We are our own worst critics. Ever heard of that? There are so many flaws I see in myself, but others see them as cute quirks or even nonexistent. Just because you see the worst side of yourself, does not mean everybody does, nor does it mean that you don't deserve love. That's a cop out.
"My issues are for me; I don't want to put that burden on anyone else." You're sitting here talking to me about said issues right? That would be sharing the burden, getting the weight off of your chest. So the only difference between me and significant other is that there's not a romantic relationship between you and me. And in my opinion, life needs to be balanced. Too many sad and bad things- depression, lack of wanting to live, feeling defeated. To much happiness (yes there is such a thing)- recklessness. And if you're on a constant happiness high, when life throws you the next curve ball, you'll fall faster. There needs to be a balance between happy and sad things. It's okay to be stuck in a rut for awhile, it's also okay to be happy for awhile, but one day you'll go the other way and you'll want someone there to help you with the ups and downs. It takes adjusting, believe me.
"I'm too ugly/ fat." BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE FREAKING BEHOLDER. This is the worst of the 3 for me. Back in ye olde days, it was desirable to be overweight- it showed the world that you had the time and money to sit around all day and stuff your face. I read an article last month that said Japanese ladies are starting to have surgeries to make their teeth crooked because it's a desirable trait over there now. Tribes get tattoos all of their bodies (nothing against tattoos- but I know some people don't find them desirable) and file all of their teeth to sharp points because they find that desirable. I understand that some people truly find themselves ugly by their own criteria, but where did you get that criteria from? We've been taught from a young age that fat people are lazy and ugly. Even if your parents didn't explicitly teach that, there's the matter of public school where the majority of us followed along like sheep. It's better to be liked remotely then not at all. Even if you were taught from home, you still went outside and saw the ads on buildings, signs, and cars. Watch the shows on tv and they're the same way. Love yourself as you are. If you want to change how you look physically, than work on that. But love yourself along the way. Taking it out on yourself doesn't make change any easier. If someone else doesn't like how you look, tell them to screw off.
So that's my rant for now. I just wish this world was more forgiving of itself. So i'll leave this for you to contemplate: Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
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