X-men

So tomorrow night, I have a date. Or later tonight since it's quarter to 3. It's with one of my regular customers. And I'm so goddamn nervous about absolutely everything that has to do with this date. From the shoes i'm going to wear, to the amount of money i'm willing to let him spend on me.

The big kicker for me is that I've seen him 2-3 times a week for over a year now and we've never had a conversation. Not even a real hi/ bye situation. I ask him what kind of sandwich he wants, tease him for getting the same thing every time, or act shocked if he gets something different. Then he gets moved on down the line. That's it.

And then last week out of the blue he asks if I want to go see a movie with him. I agreed, obviously. We spent the weekend hammering out the details, I went shopping for a new outfit, and then I've spent the last couple of days completely freaking out about the same thing.

I'm not as nice in person as I am at work. He is basically a complete stranger to me; what do we talk about? Should I be professional or myself. What if he doesn't like me? What if what if what if.

I realized today as I was cleaning the corner he sits in that I don't even know what he smells like. Such a basic scent. Not that important. But what if I don't like how he smells? The deodorant he wears? What if he looks weird without the hat that he usually has on? What does he look like in normal clothes? Because when he's at Subway, he's on his work break.

If things don't go well, what happens at work? How is this going to translate into my professional life?


what if.

Lang Leav

Lost Things

Do you know when you've lost something-like your favorite T-shirt or a set of keys- and while looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten? Well whatever it was, there was a point where you decided to stop searching, maybe because it was no longer required or a new replacement was found. it is almost as if it never existed in the first place- until that moment of rediscovery, a flash of recognition. 

Everyone has one- an inventory of lost things waiting to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life.

I think this is where I belong- among all your other lost things. A crumpled note at the bottom of a drawer or an old photograph pressed between the pages of a book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant to you.

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I had my first dream about you last night.

Really? She smiles. What was it about?

I don't remember exactly, but the whole time I was dreaming, I knew you were mine.