So tomorrow night, I have a date. Or later tonight since it's quarter to 3. It's with one of my regular customers. And I'm so goddamn nervous about absolutely everything that has to do with this date. From the shoes i'm going to wear, to the amount of money i'm willing to let him spend on me.
The big kicker for me is that I've seen him 2-3 times a week for over a year now and we've never had a conversation. Not even a real hi/ bye situation. I ask him what kind of sandwich he wants, tease him for getting the same thing every time, or act shocked if he gets something different. Then he gets moved on down the line. That's it.
And then last week out of the blue he asks if I want to go see a movie with him. I agreed, obviously. We spent the weekend hammering out the details, I went shopping for a new outfit, and then I've spent the last couple of days completely freaking out about the same thing.
I'm not as nice in person as I am at work. He is basically a complete stranger to me; what do we talk about? Should I be professional or myself. What if he doesn't like me? What if what if what if.
I realized today as I was cleaning the corner he sits in that I don't even know what he smells like. Such a basic scent. Not that important. But what if I don't like how he smells? The deodorant he wears? What if he looks weird without the hat that he usually has on? What does he look like in normal clothes? Because when he's at Subway, he's on his work break.
If things don't go well, what happens at work? How is this going to translate into my professional life?
what if.
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