Shields and Barbells

Right now, I have 8 piercings. 6 in my ears, 1 nose ring, and a navel ring. My most recent piercing is almost all healed up and I'm starting to crave another one. I plan on having about 9 in my ears. And maybe a Tragus. Haven't decided yet on that. 

But I'm not craving another helix. 

No, for some reason, I'm craving nipple rings. 

I don't even like nipple rings! I like the barbells. So, now i'm considering getting barbells soon. 

TMI but this is kinda blowing my mind right now. It's almost 3 in the morning and i'm doing research on nipple rings.

ooh-de-lally

M&M's

"You have a hard outer shell but on the inside you're all rainbows and butterflies. Soft and gooey, just admit it!"

I'll admit it now. But I gotta tell you, I don't know how to be that person. It could just be that i'm like that at work. I don't really know, since we've only hung out that one time. But I was drunk so it could have been that. I don't know!

In all reality, it bothers me. I know I can be a nice person. Just, it's hard to open up. Especially since I really want to open up to you. It scares me how much I trust you already.

Anyways, you're leaving for a week in two days to see him. She'll be there too unfortunately, but it's not like that's ever going to change. Or that I have any reason to be mad at you if anything happens between you two since you're not mine. I just hope nothing happens.

And that you finally ask me out when you get back!

Hurrah for the Red White and Blue

My little sister enlisted yesterday. The little blonde girl I would get into fights with all the time has enlisted with the army. Last week, she wanted to sign up as a sniper. I don't believe in God, but I thank whomever that she signed up as a Lab Tech instead.

She gets sworn in on Monday somewhere between 1 and 4. Right after her physical.

She ships out for Basic June 21, 2014.

I'm scared for that little 17 year old girl. I'm scared for the 6 year old I still remember her as.

It's too late though. Can't take back what you've already promised.

I hope she comes back in one piece. My little sister does not need to be buried before her time.

At the same time, I have high hopes for her. She could be great at this. She'll grow up and be able to stand up to both of our parents and speak for herself. I'm just scared of what she'll see.

Musings

You're changing the way how i feel about certain things. I was out shopping the other day, and I saw cowboy boots. They weren't actual cowboy boots; they were more fashion forward. But I thought they were adorable and I wanted to buy them. I'm still thinking about it. It is Christmas soon after all, and I could get a gift for myself.

That blue shirt you told me looked like a shirt a cowgirl would wear? I bought it when I first started liking you because I thought the same thing. I also bought 4 country albums the same week. I preset 2 country stations on my cars radio a month ago.

We kissed last night. More than that, we made out for hours upon hours. It was so nice to be held again; to feel someones lips against mine. We did more than kissing. And you actually wanted to cuddle afterwards. It was close to heaven. I'm sure if I hadn't had so much to drink that I was physically numb it would have felt a million times better.

Finals

So I just got back the results for the two classes I took this semester. I passed. As in a C. BUT I'M STILL SO GODDAMN EXCITED! I know most people would be upset over having a C as a final grade, but I got back in the college saddle and didn't fail this time around. It's good for the soul.

The other thing I'm excited about is the grade on my Ethics/ Business Law final. I have been struggling in that class all semester because of the terminology and how much stuff we covered and I thought I was getting it in class and then would take an exam and would get a low score. My first two exams I got a D on. But I got into class today, sat down, and started taking the test. Ready to totally bomb the test because I hadn't really studied. But I had no question on what was the right answer on many of the question. 75 questions and I was hardcore stuck on 3-4 of them. The grade on my final exam was a B. 120/150.

I will definitely be going back next semester. I'm glad i'm finally back on track and not just feeling like i'm back on track.

My soul couldn't feel any better.

You Should Know

I want you to know that this isn't an "I love you" post. It's more of a "You move me in ways I couldn't imagine" post. I don't know if you'll ever find this, or if I'll ever tell you I wrote something about you. It's an open letter to you describing how I feel about you now and in this moment. Feelings change, and I realize that, but I need to get this out; it weighs so heavily on my mind.

Dear Sir,

You were crying today. I wanted to give you a real hug, not that half hug thing we did. But methinks you think crying is a weakness. I let you cry, i understand you needed to be left alone. I also understand why you're not texting me tonight even though you said you would. You'll be looking at photos and videos, recalling memories of the weekend. Spending time with him, making him laugh; holding him when he cried. I just hope that she isn't a part of those memories.

We're nothing right now. Friends who really like each other. I have no right to ask anything of you, but I ask you to continue laughing with me over our little flirtations. I'm curious as to what it would be like if we went out. Not even a date; just hanging out as friends. I don't know if that's even possible. You're trying to get me over my space issue, and you would probably try a million times harder if we weren't clocked in.

Not that I mind, i'm getting used to it. And it's almost nice; you realize I have a space issue and you like me enough to try to get me over it so you can touch me. I don't flinch as often as I used to and I almost backed up into your arms the other day. Not on purpose mind you, but I saw the look on your face out of the corner of my eye. Curiosity and a little bit of happiness. Plus that weird look you always give me. I'm not sure how to describe it quite yet, but I can see it in my mind now as I type.

I want you to know, that I thoroughly enjoy being around you. Even last night when I was pissed off beyond all reason. I probably would have been mad and stressed for the rest of the night but you came over and gave me a little hug. You smell so good and it's comforting to feel how strong you are.

I also want you to know that I do think you're attractive. One of the most attractive guys I've come across actually. Rugged, strong, tattoos; you're a reformed bad boy and it's interesting. I don't care for the way you almost want to get into fights, but I digress.

The way we joke and laugh, I've never had a rapport like this with someone. I call you names, and you know i'm joking. I can tell you I hate you and you use the fact that I like you against me as proof that I don't.

I'm excited to see where this goes. Excited and scared. Scared that this might be the biggest relationship of my life. Scared that I'm putting more faith than warranted in something that could just end up being nothing. I don't know.

All I know, is I really like you. And I know you like me too, and that's enough for me.

Sincerely,

Me