Clocks

I should be ecstatic right now. He said he would go with me to my dads wedding. I asked him weeks ago and he finally gave me his answer tonight. And then he mentioned leaving again.

I'm happy he's going with me. But with the wedding just about a month away, that means that him leaving is not much farther off either. He decided he was moving for sure; she gave him an ultimatum that he couldn't ignore.

All I hear is clocks ticking. Time passing that I can never get back. All I want is to pause it and spend eternity with him. But we've got maybe 2 months left together and then he's gone. Probably forever. He'll have new struggles out there and there won't be time for me.

What do I do when he's gone? He has such a profound effect on me. Like i'm jealous now; and I've never been a jealous person before.

We hired someone new a couple weeks ago and she started today. Young and pretty with long blonde hair. She has a tongue piercing and she can feed his tobacco addiction when he doesn't have enough money to supply it. She's 19. His age cutoff is 21 because of the generation gap. I know she's not what he's described as what he likes in a girl. But watching them interact today just filled me with jealousy and anger. I'm worried that he'll find her more desirable and "leave" me.

tick tock.