Yesterday was horrible. You came over to my house and trashed it again. You found out Luke had been sleeping over so you decided to slash the bed and his pillow and then steal my pillows. And then when I showed up, you tried to violate me. I don't know why you think i'm a whore. I'm not and you know it. If I was, I would've been more willing to sex it up with you except for the once every 2 weeks you got. And even that was reluctant.
I think your issue is that you expected me to be sad and depressed for weeks and months. You wanted me to beg you to take me back and to be a good little girl and stay true to something that was never going to work out. It infuriates you that I moved on and that i'm happy and that I don't want you back at all. In fact, I want you out of my life permanently. I never want to see your face again. You were the one who broke up with me, so you think you should be the one to move on first, because you're the one who initiated the break up. That's a stupid thought process, and I doubt anyone will want to date you anymore anyways. You have anger issues up the wazoo and you can't control yourself. There's something wrong with you but no one will tell you because they're scared of your anger. You need help, and you need to get back on all of those pills. The doctors you saw when you were younger were right.
Last week sometime, I told you that there was nothing you could say or do that could hurt me anymore. I obviously didn't think you'd take it as far as you have. You cut my piano, ripped up my music, and threw my valuables, and then again with the violating. I realize that many people think that trying to kiss someone isn't violating them, but I feel dirty all the same. That and when I was trying to save Bruce, I accidentally backed myself up against you because I knew that's where I had the most strength. You made a comment towards our sex life and proceeded to try and kiss me again. You left not 5 minutes later and I broke down. I was hysterical. You found the knives I never thought you'd use and stabbed me over and over again. I cried, I bawled. I couldn't breath, I started choking. I had to run to the bathroom to empty my stomach and then I still cried. I calmed down enough to go play my piano and realized you had cut the keys too. An eternal reminder for whenever I play. I broke down again. I started playing a song I thought was in a book you hadn't ripped. When I realized it was a piece of sheet music and you had destroyed it, I broke down yet again. So many knives just running through me. I didn't want to be alive in that moment.
Luke came over about an hour after you left. I was still hysterical, but I had it under control enough that he couldn't see it (or at least not all of it.) I showed and told him everything you did, and he held me. This is what relationships were supposed to be about. The love of another person helping you get over things that happened. Something you never helped me with. He wanted me to be safe in case you came back over that night and decided to really violate me, so I stayed at his parents house. They welcomed me in, they protected me from you. Someone I never thought I would have to be protected from. I'll be back there tonight, safe from you and your antics.
But i'm still scared. I've never wanted to run more in my life. Nothing my dad ever did made me feel this scared for my life, for my friends life. You've surpassed my worst nightmare. Several people know how hard that is to do. But I have come to hate you. I can't remember the 'good times' because the past two weeks keep popping up in my head. I will never forgive you. Ever. And that's a promise.
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