We've been growing stronger. I thought we were faltering last weekend, but when I spent Friday night with you, I saw what was really happening.
You walked through the door and the first thing you did was hug me for a really long time. Minutes long. We kept repeating all through the night, "I missed you so much." I finished getting ready and you told me I looked like a redneck. Which in your book, means a lot. That's basically your equivalent of beautiful. Redneck is not a style I aspire to have, but for you? Anything.
You went out with me and my dad's side of the family. It was a crowded bar, which gives you anxiety, but you endured it. You knew how much I don't care for my stepsisters and their boyfriends and you sat there and threw shade with me. You critiqued how often Michael touched Dani and when they put a stool between them, you just about had a field day. "We're winning," you whispered in my ear. Or yelled because it was a really loud bar and that's the only way you can talk.
We went to our usual bar afterwards, still with the majority of my family. You did a karaoke song, and did absolutely wonderful. My family? Definitely impressed. They had closed down the kitchen by the time we had arrived, so we all ended up going to Denny's at that point. Laughing and joking all the way in, it felt like it was just us.
We started talking about your little brother for some reason. You mentioned that he had learned from your previous relationships not to get too attached to girls that he didn't know much about. I made a joke about how you were so attached to me. "I am though. If I end up getting the job in Portland, you're gonna have to visit all the time." I swear to god I glowed.
You were grilled a little bit by my family and then we went back to my house. Cuddled for a bit and you ended up falling asleep. When you woke up 20 minutes later, you didn't want to leave. Too bad you borrowed your mom's car. It took you another 20 minutes to get out of bed and go home.
Can I just say that if you end up staying here, I can't wait until either of us gets our own place? Or more of I can't wait until you get your own place? I don't think you realize how often I'd be over. I'd pop over to make you dinner before you got home, or just to come sleep in the same bed as you. Hell, at this point in our relationship, I'm not sure I wouldn't mind living with you. But is that a step you're willing to take? It all depends on whether or not you stay here or go to Portland I guess.
A lot is riding on that job. As much as I want you to have your dream job, I can't help but wish you didn't get it so that I can still have you. It makes me wanna cry every time I think about you possibly leaving. To go from seeing you once a week to seeing you every couple of months? You don't understand that I need you. Not in a "I can't live without you" kind of way though. More of a you revitalize me in ways I never understood. Texts are definitely helpful, but when you're here and I can touch you, smell you, and see your movements. I feel this energy, this love, this something emanating from my soul. It's a drug I can't quit. And if you leave you take it with you.
Stay. As selfish as it is for me to ask it.
Just please stay.
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